Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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