operation have a gay friend backfired
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
