I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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