I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When did angry sex become our thing?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
