When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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