I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
