She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
