I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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