Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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