ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
