You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
