I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
