he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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