your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
