I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
