I will die if light touches me.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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