Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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