It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
