I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
