i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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