i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
