well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
