I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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