Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
