I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
