I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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