Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My ass is underappreciated
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
