If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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