All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
