TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
