note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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