Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
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