I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize