god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
