How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
