Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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