I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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