I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize