I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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