Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize