the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
