oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I need a beard to bite.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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