yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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