dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
