Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
