When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
