Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
