P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
BRING THE BAGELS
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