I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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