I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
