Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
