if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize