I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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