And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
