Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
