Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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