I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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