Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
