I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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