I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This is my gift to your gina
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
