I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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