i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
