NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm bleeding and have questions
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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