Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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