I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
