I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
