yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
