he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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