Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize